so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
