god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
