the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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