Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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