There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
