TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
