Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
