Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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