i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
