Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i

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  (650): the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i <3 spencer pratt" tattoo... http://tfl.nu/08eh
  Replies (17) Good night (559) Bad night (2011)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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  (253): Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it. http://tfl.nu/s7pq
  Replies (15) Good night (638) Bad night (3637)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.

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  (757): There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/cpsh
  Replies (31) Good night (2414) Bad night (3081)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?

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  (480): Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick? http://tfl.nu/0q5p
  Replies (21) Good night (4325) Bad night (1012)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.

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  (970): I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently. http://tfl.nu/qjfh
  Replies (2) Good night (2548) Bad night (765)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...

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  (204): you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back... http://tfl.nu/izou
  Replies (17) Good night (2359) Bad night (1011)
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  (415): View more from California

  just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.

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  (415): just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover. http://tfl.nu/scdy
  Replies (6) Good night (3274) Bad night (976)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes

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  (618): You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes http://tfl.nu/5pp7
  Replies (6) Good night (2757) Bad night (987)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat

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  (303): There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat http://tfl.nu/blab
  Replies (5) Good night (1887) Bad night (750)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.

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  (828): I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders. http://tfl.nu/hyyp
  Replies (8) Good night (1930) Bad night (678)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?

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  (434): On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am? http://tfl.nu/gml1
  Replies (5) Good night (1044) Bad night (611)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...

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  (248): I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw... http://tfl.nu/f06y
  Replies (2) Good night (1337) Bad night (631)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.

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  (630): Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me. (1-630): Pulling out all the stops on being a lady. http://tfl.nu/6gwr
  Replies (2) Good night (1360) Bad night (475)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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  (940): Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits. http://tfl.nu/jw0d
  Replies (10) Good night (907) Bad night (361)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"

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  (407): You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways" http://tfl.nu/gs8x
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (301)

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