So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.