I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.