Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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