i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed