whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.