then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.