I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
