I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
