another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need a burrito and a hug.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
