New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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