a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
