I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Enjoy the penises
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
