pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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