Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
