then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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