I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I would ride that face into the sunset
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
