I puked a lego.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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