Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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