i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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