I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
