At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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