My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
