I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
