So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
