Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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