new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
