Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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