Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
