dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
