i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
