I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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