This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
