i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
