Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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