I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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