That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
