Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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