i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
