"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even my vagina gasped.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
