I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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