I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize