i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
