You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
