so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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