sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
