Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
