I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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