It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
