I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
