Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would fuck him just for his dog
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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