omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
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I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
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Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
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