I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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