i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
