I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
