I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
