u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
