I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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