I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my phone needs a breathalizer
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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