That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
