Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
