Did you just see the Batmobile???
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
